Fostering independent play skills in infants and toddlers

Uninterrupted self-directed play holds many developmental benefits for the child. It also allows parents to get to the million others items on their to-do list and maybe even catch a rare breather. But first parents must let go of the belief that they need to entertain and engage their child all the time.

It can be difficult to step back and let your child take the lead, but in this way you will observe and learn from her. You will discover with delight that your child has many inherent abilities that might have been missed if she had not been allowed to explore in her own way. With practice, this relaxed sitting back becomes easier. - Magda Gerber

Children are naturally good at engaging themselves. You must have observed that babies when left on their own play happily as long as they are comfortable and well-fed. They look around them, gurgle at the shiny crib mobile or are fascinated by their own little hands waving above their face. When we engage children their every waking minute, we train them to be dependent on us. They get used to being picked up and held constantly, played with, have toys waved at them or rattled in their face. And when left alone they cry - to be picked up again or to be played with.

Here are few tips to foster independent play in infants:

• Trust your babies/toddlers to be able to engage themselves fruitfully. Babies are naturally curious. They are excellent at employing all their senses in their explorations of the world around them and make meaning out of it.

• Provide open-ended materials and resources which support them to problem-solve, be creative, and use their imagination. Such resources allow for children to be imaginative and create their own play and games. Battery operated toys are often close-ended, have one use alone and the novelty is lost soon. Treasure baskets are an excellent resource to aid the child's explorations. (Read our post explaining heuristic play and our follow up post on how parents can aid exploratory play. We also have a post on how to create treasure baskets for your child.)

• Let the child lead the play. Often the adults like to jump into a child’s play and direct or teach them how to do it the "right way". When this happens repeatedly, the child starts losing faith in her own ability. Take on the role of an observer and if you or a follower and let your child direct.

• Respect that play is the work of the child. Children are gainfully focussed and engaged, even when it does not look like they are doing much. This is important work for them. We have the tendency of picking up and carrying a child from his play to eat his meal or to change diapers. We order them to come NOW because "what we want them to do is more important and they are just playing". Respect the child's play - instead of demanding immediate attention or obedience, inform your child about what you need from them and give them some time to wind down.

• Spend time with your child so that they feel contented with and secure in your attention. Observe their play, and when they invite you to the play, join in and play along. This time of bonding and observation is important for you and your child. It takes away your guilt of not spending any time and your child feels valued and loved as you spend time with him/her.

• Use the care-giving routines as time for bonding and building relationships. Invite your child’s participation while you change his/her diaper. Talk and inform him/her about what you are doing and slowly you will see the baby engaging and interacting with you. This will create a strong connection between you and your child. This will enable your child to play independently, secure in the connection you share.

• Create a Yes space. If you want your infant/toddler to play independently she needs a space where she is safe and free to play as she pleases and where you do not have to repeatedly caution with “No, don't climb there”, “No, don't pull that”, "No, No, No...". Create a safe "Yes" space for your child's play.

• Observe your child at play and understand their interest. When you know what your child is interested in, you will be able to create an environment and provide for resources that are engaging and interesting. This will support him or her to play independently.

Independent play promotes confidence, social independence, creativity and self-reliance. It sows the seeds of self-directed learning in the child. And it frees you up to be a happier, less stressed parent.

Recommended follow on reads: Our post on heuristic play, also the posts on how parents can support heuristic play and how to create treasure baskets.